Star War:  Revenge of who ever keeps ending up ext
by DarkHero43
Summary: A parody of Star Wars.  And first of many


Star War: Revenge of who ever keeps ending up almost extinct

Taking place at the base of the Rebel Alliance on Yavin 4, Luke Skywalker and Han Solo are walking down the hallway to Luke's room where he is living under the Alliances command.

Luke: I can't believe we destroyed the Death Star.

Han: Ya, I thought we were all going to be destroyed to bits. What, did the empire have an entire galactic fleet and a dark lord of the sith?

Luke: Ya, what dumb asses. It all thank to Obi-Wan.

Han: Wait, what are you talking about?

Luke: Obi-Wan, was looking into my navigation computer to see where the main reactor hole was and Obi-Wan told me to turn it off and trust in the force.

Han suddenly stopped as Luke did in response.

Han: Please tell me you didn't.

Luke: Yes I did, it was the smartest decision I have ever made.

Han: Han, are you fucking insane! You could have killed us all.

Luke: It worked didn't it. Darth Vader and his pals were almost about to gun me down, but thanks to the force I out maneuvered them.

Han: You didn't out maneuver them! When Darth Vader and his fighters were going to gun you down I came in with my millennium falcon and blasted at them! I shot at the first TEI fighter, and then I shot the other one's wings off which made it knock Darth Vader out into space while the other one crashed!

Luke: You know, Obi-Wan said you would be a sore loser.

Luke walked away from Han.

Han: Obi-Wan also told you to go to Alderan. Look what happened then. It made a mess out of the galaxy. Who's going to clean crap and all those dead bodies up?

Han towered his head. In shock he found Leia tearing. Then she ran away crying. Chewie ran up to him.

Chewie: In his own language: You ass hole.

Chewie ran after Leia leaving Han appalled at what he'd done.

The door in Luke's room slide opened. Then Luke walked inside. The door slide closed. Then stormtroopers came out of nowhere and grabbed Luke by the arms. Luke was screaming from the top of his lungs.

Luke: Ha! Ha!

Darth Vader walked towards him too out of nowhere.

Darth Vader: You think you could just fly in with your x-wing and blow up my death star along with every hardworking stormtrooper who are just trying to make a decent living. And even Grand Moth Tarkin who was so close at retirement. Then I suppose I could just come into your room cut your hand off.

Darth Vader took out his lightsaber. Luke started crying and pleading.

Luke: Oh please don't cut my hand off.

Darth Vader walked up to Luke lifting his lightsaber up ready to slice him.

On Coruscant in Emperor Palpatine's office, Darth Vader walked in finding working by his desk.

Darth Vader: Guess what I did?

Palpatine: Paid off the entire mortgage I spent on that Death Star?

Darth Vader: Better. I came in that x-wing pilot's room and cut his hand off.

Palpatine is looking terrified.

Palpatine: Please tell me you didn't.

Darth Vader: Yes I did. Should have sawed how he reacted. He was like "no please don't cut my fucking hand off." And I sliced it off with my lightsaber. He was like screaming in horrible pain. He was going "Ooo you cut my hand off what am I going to do." It was freakin hilarious.

Darth Vader was laughing the entire time.

Palpatine: Vader, you better sit down.

Darth Vader: Why aren't you laughing?

Palpatine: Just, just sit down.

Darth Vader sat on the chair in front of Palpatine's desk.

Palpatine: You remember when your wife Padme died.

Darth Vader: Why did you have to bring up that, I was telling a funny story?

Palpatine: It turns out the child you thought you killed is still alive.

Darth Vader: Wait, you are saying that all this time I had a child was living and breathing.

Palpatine: I just found out resently.

Darth Vader blurted out in anger.

Darth Vader: And around 20 fucking years.

Palpatine: Ohhhh, You're going to be mad at yourself after what I'm going to tell you. It turns out that it's a boy and that he was the one who blew up the Death Star.

Darth Vader: Wait what.

Darth Vader started moving around trying to get a grip on what he's done. Then stood up shouting with his hands in the air, and with the will of the force crushed bodies of the Emperor's body guards.

Darth Vader: Nooooo!

Palpatine stood up with his arms opened and Darth Vader ran into them crying on Palpatine's shoulder. Palpatine was gently rubbing Darth Vader's helmet.

Palpatine: It's alright. Palpatine's here. I'm sure he knows you didn't mean it.

To be continued…..

Please rate and comment. And I'll right another story


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